


Behind Blue Eyes

by Animeguera



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-03-01 22:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animeguera/pseuds/Animeguera
Summary: At a hotel, celebrating, alcoholic drinks are consumed. Emotions are loose, inhibitions are lost. Relena talks more than necessary & Heero's actions speak for him.Told from various POVs of those with blue eyes.





	1. The wonderful news

Everything was going according to plan. The teams were all in place. Guards were at every entrance. Security cameras were active and recording. The audience clapped as the next speaker made it up to the stage. The only speaker actually worth listening to. She slowly walked up the steps. Her light blue skirt tightened against her legs. The light blonde stepped up to the podium, her voice about to erupt through the speakers and I was waiting for it.

She smiled first. Her pink lips in an upwards arc towards the Earth. The clapping began to dwindle down to a soft roar. Everyone was in place as her first words echoed through the now unwavering quiet auditorium.

"We will remember all those men, women and children that were lost in the war. A month ago, we celebrated the end of a war. Today, we remember those that were lost." Her voice became low, but she recovered. "We can never truly know all those that were lost; however, we should appreciate that," Her voice wavered, her arms gripped the podium, her eyes lost sight of audience, settled on the podium." that, this peace is here." With those final words, her eyes shut and her grip on the podium became loose. Her body fell to the left of the podium as the quiet auditorium began gasping and making remarks. Her body fell into my arms.

"I have FM in my arms. No visible injuries." The people in the audience began to panic. Down below, I could see her closed eyes, her breaths even, as if she were sleeping. A voice stirred the thoughts away and I carried her down off the stage.

"The Foreign Minister must have had a little too much champagne." A third of the audience laughed. The other two thirds looked concerned. "She'll be fine, I've been told." A small smile appeared on the man's lips as he directed another speaker to the microphone. The room was filled with another politician's words. But everyone's thoughts were on the unconscious Foreign Minister. All possible scenarios were conceived for her sudden faint.

**The Hospital**

"I said I was fine. Please, let me sit up." A sharp voice said from the white sheet bed. "The doctor said it was only anemia." She said much louder as she removed my arm from her shoulder.

"The doctor also said he had to run more tests." My voice said smoothly. A monumental fight was emerging between the blonde's arm and my unrelenting hand.

"Soldier, allow me my freedom to move." The voice said coldly as the harmless battle left more than one defeated. Hands returned to rest at the soldier's sides.  _Such hostility._

She sat up straight with pillows behind her back. "You could've been poisoned." Eyes didn't falter from their gaze on the wall.

"That's ridiculous, I haven't had any drinks." She said, turned up to look at me. The door opened as the doctor walked in. Behind him, a couple followed him inside. They mumbled to each other and stopped when they set eyes on Relena. "So, what is it, doctor?"

"Miss Peacecraft, I'm not quite sure how to say this." Her body tightened but her face remained calm as the doctor sought words. "Your blood results came back and it appears that…you are pregnant. You are four weeks along and seem completely healthy." He said quickly and simply stood there awaiting her response.

"Is that so?" She said, looking straight at the doctor.

"Yes. Um, excuse me." He said and left the silent room.

"Um, Relena…" The violet haired woman spoke softly.

"Lucrezia, please don't." Her voice clear. She took her gaze off the door and set it on her brother. "Milliardo, I believe this does not need to reach the public." She said softly and yet still strong. "I think I need to get some rest." With those final words she slid under the covers and turned her head. As I heard the couple leave the room, still mumbling words, I over heard a small bit.

" _What are we going to do?"_

" _What could we do?"_

" _How did this happen?"_

I could not answer those questions either. Only Relena could. The door closed and I heard a small sniffle from the bed. I looked down and a small frail hand reached out to mine. I let her fingers intertwine and she squeezed tight. I saw her pillow wet with tears.  _What could we do indeed._


	2. It's My Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relena has learned she is pregnant and returns to Earth, just waiting fro the consequences.
> 
> Told from Relena's Point of View.

**Five weeks (Timeline of pregnancy)**

He held out his hand for me to take. The car door remained open; the sweet cold piney air of Earth filled my lungs. I took a deep breath, more to calm my stomach than to breathe. Exhaling a cloud,I didn't take his hand, not anymore. I stepped slowly out of the car, my first steps off the shuttle led to a trash can and retracting my lunch from digestion. The gray concrete sidewalk was cold. A few flakes of snow flew into my 2 cm heel shoes.  _Cold…_  My steps were carefully measured, left foot then right foot.  _I must look like a drunken fool._ I tripped on a large pebble, wedged into the cracks of the sidewalk. My ankle rolled and without even losing my balance completely, I was held upright by none other than  _Heero_. I kept walking, as if the incident never happened. Miraculously, I made it to my front door without additional assistance.

There it was.  _My home_. The small house was enough to accomadate a small group of people. It was painted a deep red color, darker than blood. The miniature mansion in the Sanq Kingdom provided much protection, even at such a secluded part of the country. The security camera whirred to capture my face, like usual, I smiled at the security technicians. This smile however was forced, fabricated for the outside world.  _The real smile was lost inside._ The great oak door opened before I could pull out any key. It revealed a smiling old man.

"Miss Relena, it's nice to have you home again." Pagan said, as he allowed me to pass through the open door. I smiled back at him. His gray hair thinned with each day.  _It's nice to be back._ I looked up at him and tried to keep my smile intact. He closed the door behind my stalker.  _I barely convinced Lucrezia and Milliardo to let me come home alone. Why won't he just leave?_  Inside, the purple colors of the walls were familiar, warm. Portraits with bright gold colored frames of family members: Brother, sister, mother and father. All of them had their eyes set on my stomach. Their eyes, their thoughts, their disappointment. The kitchen was close by. My hunger tried to overtake me, but I just climbed up to my room.

The red rug on the stairs was soft. I studied it as I stepped up. The final door at the hall was closed. He still followed my every step.  **"** Stop it. The bed is not my enemy."My words were quiet, barely audible. I know he heard me. He let me walk into my room alone but he stood at the doorway, denying the door to close. I could only sigh. The great oak door remained open. I glanced up from the floor.  _Big mistake._  My eyes unwilling and instinctively set on a childish object of affection, my secret source of strength. Its black bead eyes stared back at me, even so, I tried to ignore the brown fur animal. Walking cautiously to my bed, I prepared to simply collapse on, I instead ran to the bathroom. I found the porcelain bowl and let out all my guts.  _Ugh. Disgusting._  The toilet paper nearby was useful in wiping the food drooling on my face.  _He didn't follow me in here._

I stayed in the bathroom, I'm not sure how long.  _No one judged me in here._  I awoke with my toilet as my only companion.  _Hmm...where did he go?_

As I left my companion, my legs felt like cherry gelatin.  _Gelatin sounds really yummy right about now._  I got up slowly; a bit of nausea overcame me. I could only ignore it only for a few seconds. A final gag left my stomach empty. There was nothing left to deposit in the toilet. A final push and I got up. The room spun.  _Stop being weak._ I walked down the stairs. No one was around.  _Odd._ The cool feel of the oak stairwell felt was nice. The purple colored wallpaper matched the deep red rugs. I heard voices in the den. Lucrezia and Milliardo had arrived, against my wishes. I could hear their questions, they were conversing on the video phone to a doctor. They were indeed full of questions.  _I had questions too._

Around the corner, the next room contained a cute surprise.  _There he is._  Heero sat quietly in a sofa chair. His dark blue eyes behind his disheveled brown hair could barely be seen. His focus was captured by the book in his hands. The bright yellow bound book was a deep contrast to his black and forest green uniform. "Preventer Yuy" read his tag.  _Preventer…and yet collaborator._ I smiled and stood against the doorway, merely admiring. The room was quiet, the questions became lost murmurs. His pants black, neatly pressed, were slack and yet tight. His shoes black, as well. His jacket only semi covered a dark blue shirt underneath. At that he needed was a hat, and he'd resemble a military soldier.

He hadn't even noticed my arrival.  _What could be capturing his interests?_  Struggling to read the title of the book, I squinted my eyes and strained. The words, "Your baby and you," in blue letter on the cover released a chuckle from me. The book instantly closed and was hidden. His eyes glared at me. Their cobalt blue color, taking me inside.

"Relena, come with me." Lucrezia's words interrupted the quiet pleasure. She took my hand without a response and led me to Milliardo's presence.  _Sigh. Here we go again._  I was surprised to see another person in the room. Almost an afterthought.  _I never told mother._  She sat quietly and calmly in a dinner table chair. She did not acknowledge my entrance into the room. I approached her and merely gave her a kiss on the cheek. She barely registered a welcome. After that, I chose to sit near the video phone, shrinking the distance between my exit and I, increasing the distance between everyone else.

"Good afternoon Sally." I said before turning to view the screen. She smiled nervously at me.

"Good afternoon, Miss Peacecraft." She said calmly. Her voice was straight forward as if she were still in the military.

"It's Relena, please." I pleaded.  _No formalities needed anymore._  "You understand what the situation is?" She nodded. Without doubt, I heard quiet steps, the reader entered the room.  _Don't look at him._  "Do you have any suggestions?" My eyes focused on the screen. Straining to see past it, but even so his reflection stared back.

"Yes, well, according to your hospital chart, you're healthy except for a slight case of anemia. Your iron intake will need to increase, followed by a healthy diet." She said as if merely reading from a sheet of paper. Her eyes didn't look up once.

"Can I still perform my duties as Foreign Minister?" I asked quietly.  _My job is more important than anything...even this..._  She pondered for second, as she glanced up, mistakenly into Milliardo's blue eyes.

"Well, um, you can continue your duties as Foreign Minister, but I wouldn't recommend you travel to the colonies."  _The Unification Conference._ Milliardo cleared his throat. "I will send over a few books that can help explain what you're going through."  _An explanation would be necessary._ "You might feel some nausea, as well be light headed. Make sure to eat healthy and you can try to start walking a bit more." She smiled sweetly at me.  _That's the only thing I can do.  
_

"We need to get rid of it." Milliardo's cold voice said almost whispering. A dark thought entered my mind:  _A possiblity..._ I could only turn to him and open my mouth before Lucrezia's bold hand slapped him across the face. Her stern violet eyes burned to a deep magenta.

"I believe that choice is mine, Milliardo." I said simply as oceans filled my eyes. Turning back to hide them.  _It was my choice, but what do I choose?_   _Motherhood: Single, with a baby and always busy... Murderer: Single, alone and always busy..._ Clear seas threatening to spill over.  _Stop it._  I took a deep breath and held it. Slowly the wind escaped my lungs.  _Better._

"You need to stay healthy, it's not just for you anymore." She said trying to keep the silence from filling the room.  _For a little person inside._

"I have to stop smoking then, right?" I said and smiled. Sally's lips curled. Milliardo's red face, from anger or the slap, and white blonde hair did not seem to find my comment funny. Heero stood behind him. His face was set in stone. He looked serious.  _Such a change from earlier._  I turned back to Sally.  _At least someone thought it was funny._  Behind me, I could not see, but his lips smirked up. His eyes lit up.

"Relena, who is the father?" I bit my lip.  _I knew this was going to come._ Everyone held their breath, awaiting my answer.

I mustered up all the courage I had, even borrowed some from Heero's presence. "I'm afraid I don't know." I looked to the floor, it would not judge me.


	3. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Told from Heero's POV, he worries about Relena and how she could have gotten pregnant.

**Six Weeks**

Her words keep repeating in my mind.  _It's not my concern; It was unthinkable. She...had to have... Forget it._ _I have to focus._ My focus had to remain on the task I was given. Today, her actions were docile. Yesterday, she was impossibly defiant. The entire week was a chaos of emotions. Every night, she reads a different book. She reads late into the night and wakes up early. Before her sleep cycle begins, she cries into her blue cotton pillow. Her weeping was quiet. It was discernable only by my close proximity. It was almost completely silent, yet  _I wish I could make it stop._ She wouldn't let me, she pushed me farther away.

Before the start of her day, she would walk out into the grounds. Thoroughly covered in warm clothing, she would just walk around her house. She didn't analyze the structure or seem to have a direction. She would just walk, looking at the snow, gazing at the crisp blue sky. I would follow closely behind. She keep a good distance from me, yet it was almost as if we walked together.

After her walk, she would prepare herself for the day. During this, I attempted to stay out of her room, lest I find her in a compromising situation.  _Although...again...I should forget._  Today, she wore pants. For some odd reason, skirts were her favor the day before, despite the cold. Once she was dressed in her common dress suits, her hair was neatly tamed into a loose ponytail. Her blonde strands trailing along her back. Going downstairs, she would stifle herself from smelling breakfast. She avoided the kitchen as much as she possibly could. Nothing seemed to ease her stomach troubles. One of the many effects of her "situation."  _I could do nothing to help her._  The only breakfast item she kept down was coffee. My investigations in the subject were futile. I managed to recruit information about the aftereffect of the situation, not sufficient amount of information about the actual effects during. Her sleep will suffer the most in the aftereffect.

Everyday, she walked out of her black car confidently, ignoring my gentleman's request. Today, she walked swiftly into the gray building. Her steps were careful and slow, usually. Her morning was interrupted by the smell of Pagan's cooking. A smell she could not endure, resulting in more vomiting.  _That could not be healthy._  She was behind schedule and was attempting to recover precious lost time.  _An impossible hope_.

With each incident, she pulls away more: Keeping me out of her room, out of reach.  _So be it._  I simply followed closely behind, as closely as she would allow me that day. Her secretary welcomed her pleasantly. She rushed into her office and attempted to shut the wooden door. It hit the dark blue painted frame and bounced back; inside I heard the sound of her retching, the little breakfast she could manage to consume, into her trash can. I attempted to walk inside, to hold her loose strands back, but her small strong hand came up. She was telling me to stay away.  _If that is what she wishes._  I acquiesced, standing far away. My eyes remained vigilant; her sounds still penetrating the office. The door shut fiercely as the noise of the rest of the office overcame the silence.

Her secretary assumed she was simply eating the wrong things. The problem in all actuality was she was eating  _something_. Anything that would dare enter her stomach would simply be rejected within the hour.  _A solution must be found._ With the door still shut, I opened it abrasively. She wasn't the least bit startled and proceeded to end her conversation; I captured a glance at her conservationist. His bright sky blue eyes under his bright sun blonde hair smiled at me and he attempted a hello before Relena terminated the connection. Her focus was set on me, her eyes pleading for me to stay close. Her body stiff and resilient begged for me to stay away. With a shuddering sigh, she closed her eyes and focused on the papers on desk. A large stack of documents threatened to overcome the desk. She took a sip of her second coffee drink of the day. The steam rose slowly, filling the air with its aroma. I sat in a nearby cushioned chair across from her desk.

We sat in silence. Various phone calls were answered by her. She scribbled and shuffled the extensive pile of papers. The second cup was replaced by a third. No words were exchanged between us.  _Pure iron cold silence._  The hours rolled by. Boredom would ensue after the sixth hour of silence, but it was interrupted by her secretary entering the quiet office. I glanced slightly at her, but she was intimidated by my mere presence. She set a tray on Relena's desk, as Relena let out a small squeal.  _Intriguing._

Ignoring my inquiring gaze, she picked up a pair of chopsticks and attempted to begin eating.  _Raw fish?_  She expertly used the dining tools to acquire a piece of sushi and attempted to eat it. Standing up, quickly, I grabbed the raw disgusting fish with my hand and dropped it into the nearby, rotting, reeking trashcan.

She tightened her grip on the chopsticks. Her gaze steered towards me. "Heero, would you care to explain your actions?" She said straining her voice. The plate of remaining sushi emitted a rank smell into the air. I didn't  _care_  to explain, I simply dumped the rest of the contents of her lunch into the trash can. It made a plop sound. The room filled with silence. "Heero Yuy, that was my lunch." Her quiet voice stated. I nodded, affirming her statement.  _It **was**_ _her lunch. Now, it is trash._

"You shouldn't be eating raw fish. Not in your condition." I stated simply. She grimaced at my words. She loosened her grip on the chopsticks and tossed them at my head. The soft density wooden utensil bounced off my head and landed on her desk. I glanced at her, glaring.  _She was not fazed by my gaze. She matched it._

"What possible harm could raw fish do?" She questioned, turning her body, her full attention on me. I nodded.

"It could be contaminated with bacteria. Are you willing to risk a second life with your foolish decisions?" She remained stoic to my answer. Her lip shivered. Her eyes were watering. She turned her chair, her back facing me again. She didn't speak for a long measure of time.

She spoke again, as soon as the day was almost over. "You're impossible."  _A biased opinion._ She sat down on her chair and picked up the phone. She proceeded to ignore my presence the rest of the day. She made small talk with her driver and didn't glance in my direction once.  _I kept my eyes on her all day._

**Six Weeks**

Her feet pounded on the ground with each step. Her padded shoe made no noise as she attempted to stomp the road. The asphalt pavement was clear of nearly all debris. The air was cold, but it wasn't snowing. That was the arrangement. She would jog or walk every morning. Snow days, she would simply walk around the mansion. We had left her mansion early in morning. The bright sun glowed through the night chilled air. As if the ground was her enemy, she stomped more with each step.  _Hilarious._  She swung her arms in retaliation and attempted to walk faster with each step. I was right behind each step.  _It was quite entertaining._

"Stop it. Just stop it." Her voice said, yet again.  _Will she ever stop repeating herself?_ I did nothing other than let her stay one more step in front of me. "Ugh!" That was such an incomprehensible word with little distinction and more meaning than a long manuscript. "Is this proximity really necessary?" I nodded as she slowed down to catch her breath. We had reached the edge of the city nearby in the Sanq Kingdom.

"You are not the only one I have to protect, Relena." My words did not seem to comfort her.  _Tears again._  She took in a deep breath. Her water filled eyes turned away from me. "We, you, have to be more careful." Her torso shuddered with each word.  _Relena._  I reached out to touch her shoulder.

"This is not possible. This can't be real."  _We were not the only ones to..._  Her soft words carried into my ears. She looked down at her deep red jacket. She clutched her stomach. Her eyes watered with unspilt tears.  _It's more than possible. Its your truth. Accept it._

"Relena..."  _What could I say?_

_"_ I'm pregnant! You should know that! I am _**pregnant**_!" Her words were loud. People began to look our way.  _Damn._

"Relena." I said sternly, as more people gather to watch a lover's spat.  _We need to leave._

"Why did this happen?"  _after I left...perhaps..._  "How can I fix this?"  _In more ways than one._ More people began to circle us, they began muttering and whispering.  _Damn._

"Relena. We have to go." I said simply and tried to grab her arm. She reluctantly let me lead her to a nearby building. A small drugstore on the corner became convenient.

"Foreign Minister, please elaborate on your earlier words."  _Not good._  I shut the door to the establishment, letting the people ask more questions outside. The glass door did nothing to hide her. The man behind the counter was intrigued as I locked the door and stepped with Relena to to the back of the store. White walls, white counters and a man in a white lab coat greeted us. I flashed a glimpse of my Preventer identification. He didn't react and I simply led a dazed Relena behind the counter. As we walked through another doorway, the room transformed into a sad shade of brown. It contained only a television, a sofa and another door.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you." A soft voice said, tears rolled down her eyes. "I'm a fool." With my other hand, I wiped away her right eye tears.  _No more tears. Please._  I nodded, an acceptance of her apology, I gave no verbal confirmation.  _She knows._

**Seven Weeks**

On the television screen, her figure appeared small. Her hair was collected in a tight bun. Her smile reach the crowd.  _It's a lie._  Her soft words barely registering over the murmurs of the crowd. At her final words, the news crowd became silent. "The floor is open for questions." A louder roar of screams and shouts emitted through the small speakers.

The shouts quieted as a single loud voice asked. "Who is the father?" No answer was heard from her mouth. Who could be _?_  Another question made it's voice loud. "Miss Peacecraft, will you resume your duties as Foreign Minister?" To this question she nodded and continued to elaborate. Her lips in a smile, her eyes clouded. A loud chiming noise broke me away from the small television set.

"Yuy." I spoke to the small electronic communication device.

A coarse voice spoke through. "Come to the Peacecraft Mansion." My superior ended the transmission. I gave a final glance at the precious woman on the screen, before it blinked off.

**Seven Weeks**

"Yuy, how could you allow this happen?" A very angry man with platinum blonde hair practically yelled into my ear. I did not flinch. The purple walls in front of me were plain and barren. I did not answer.

She walked into the room slowly. Taking each step with each second. Her hair was neatly pulled into a bun. Her blue eyes, red, swollen with tears.  _Not again. I can't take it._  I stole a quick glance at her, she refused to meet my eyes. The press conference was over. She acted beautifully, each word precise with meaning. Each silence, deepening sympathy. Each smile, was for the crowd.  _Not for her._

"Milliardo, please leave that Preventer alone. I screamed it at the top of lungs foolishly." _I am a_  s _oldier...a Preventer...that's all. I can never be anything more._

"Why would you do that?" He retorted harshly. His anger now averted to her.  _Not good._

"Because I was upset!" She shouted.  _It seemed to become more common._ Her voice returned to normal volume. "I apologize, there was no need to yell."

"You're just hormonal." The young wife said to her sister in law. She attempted to grasp Relena in a hug. The attempt failed as the blonde sat herself in a sofa. In that one simple move, she managed to turn on the television. As fate would have it, the recent news was the press conference. As if they seemed to ignore her words, they still speculated.

"Miss Peacecraft, the Foreign Minister, announced this morning, that she is with child. No other information has been given about the father of the unborn child. Has Miss Peacecraft eloped with a secret man? She's been seen with Mr. Winner, Representative of the Colonies, increasingly over the past year. And yet, she spends all of her time with this Preventer." A recent photo of me holding Relena was put on the screen. _Dr. J said it was impossible..._  "Is there a secret alliance between the Minister and the Representative?" Another newscaster interrupted. "On the real end of the news, will this unexpected pregnancy tarnish the Minister's reputation? Surely, Miss Peacecraft's upcoming election next year will..." The newscaster could not finish her sentence. Relena held the remote in her hand and tossed it across the room. The channel had been changed to one featuring music. A very loud music band began playing.  _Could Quatre be the one?_ Loud yet soft sounds of a guitar filled the room.

**No one knows what its like**

"Absolutely ridiculous. Quatre?" She smiled. _A real smile._ She wasn't the only one with a smile. Milliardo's face was frozen with a one as well.. _What could he be processing?_

**To be the bad man**

"That's the perfect solution." He said quietly. Lucrezia's face was distorted in confusion and Relena didn't seem to be listening. "You'll elope with Quatre." He said calmly, as if issuing a mission directive.  _Elope?_

**To be the sad man**

"Huh?" Relena's voice penetrated through the silence. Her body stood up quickly, she wobbled a bit. "I think it's a little late for that."  _However, the possibility remains._

**Behind blue eyes**

"He does fancy you, Relena." Lucrezia's strong voice. Her body leaned towards Relena. She remained speechless, awaiting Zech's answer.  _An I do would be sufficient._ I could only look away.

**No one knows what it's like**

"The press will need a story. Quatre is well respected in the colonies." He didn't finished his words, Relena cut in.

**To be hated**

"That would seem like a good plan of action." Her words were quiet. "Quatre is a very nice young man."  _A nice man for her to marry; a nice man to become a father._ They remained there, excitedly discussing their plan of action.  _Quatre will marry Relena._

**To be fated**

This situation is now resolved. They did not require my presence, not did they notice the lack of it.  _Goodbye...and good luck..._

**To telling only lies**


	4. Doctor Visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relena has doubts about keeping the baby. Milliardo POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can be skipped if abortion makes anyone uncomfortable. I believe in freedom of choice.

**Eight Weeks**

Embarrassing didn't even begin to explain this humiliation. After the public announcement of the situation, Yuy suddenly vanished as Relena's bodyguard.  _Could he be the cause of...impossible._ He mysteriously acquired vacation time, without any superior's permission.  _Highly suspicious_. Now, with a shortage of available bodyguards, I was forced to step in as Relena's security detail.

She had refused to simply solve this problem quickly and efficiently. Instead, I was forced to transport her to the Medical Unit at Preventers, to Sally's care. A hospital simply did not have the sufficient security for her. Her appointment was in twenty minutes; however, she had yet to leave the office or escape her current meeting. Those delegates did not stop hampering her with worthless questions. Relena could not be rude enough to excuse herself. She just smiled, shook hands with unrelenting old men. They continued to say their farewells.  _At last._

"Relena, you're late to your appointment." My words didn't affect her as she simply set a fast pace. I attempted to keep up with her until she entered a dark blue door, the sign simply said, "Women." With no other option, I leaned up against the wall, my hair trailing down past my waist. Letting my eyes rest, I heard the flush of the toilet and the splashing water inside. She stepped out, her hands still wet.

"I realize that, Milliardo." The door closed behind her, and we began our trek to the Preventers's building, only a few blocks away.

**Eight Weeks**

The black plain vehicle parked itself on the far curb. The large building loomed overhead, blankets of snow decorated the ledges; the black windows reflected the sun's rays into my eyes. She stepped out of the vehicle herself, refusing to accept my out stretched hand. Her heels thudded on the cold concrete, barely missing a few patches of collected ice.  _Don't slip._

The entrance into the building was difficult. Relena refused to walk through the metal detector and a subordinate refused to let her in without her walking through it.  _Ridiculous young soldiers._ She was very particular in her request, and allowed a female Preventer to pat her down _gently. Her emotions were variable to the day._

Sally greeted Relena with joy and myself with a salute. Her medical unit was impeccably clean in comparison to the rest of the building. Medical instruments lined the wall as four small cots adorned the rest of the small room. Sally donned a pair of white examiner's gloves and walked to Relena. She was fidgeting on a cot. Her hands were fumbling and she was not anywhere near calm.

"Have you had any coffee today?" Her curious voice startled Relena. I scoffed.  _Any? She's had about four cups just this morning._

"Only a few cups." Relena's voice meek voice said. Sally frowned at her response.

"You shouldn't be drinking any coffee at all." She responded coldly.

I grabbed Sally's arm and pulled her to the adjacent room. She followed without question. Relena fidgeting, remained in that medical room alone, for now.

"I fear that Relena may suffer from depression." Her voice quickly said before I had a chance to speak.

_Depression? "_ What do you mean?"

"Well, she is a recipe for depression. A unwanted unexpected preganacy, no father in sight and she is single. It's bound to happen." Her clinical voice stated.

"Relena is stronger than that." I retorted.  _She is stronger than anyone else I know._

"She may be strong but she is also unbalanced right now. I wouldn't push her. Perhaps she should take a sabbatical." Sally's analysis was hard to swallow.

"She would never agree to such a thing."  _I know she wouldn't let the ESUN fall with her absence._

"Very true. But I fear for her." Her clinical voice was now gone.

"I do too."  _I truly do fear for her sanity._

"Yes." She said but her voice held another sentence. "But..." I glanced at her, willing her to speak. "Isn't Yuy the father?"

"At this point, I have no leads as to who the father is. I might even be grateful to have him be anything more useful...How long until we can do a paternity test?"  _I would be grateful for any information to come to me first, other than the public._

"We won't be given a chance until five more weeks." She said simply and took a deep breath.

"Can you keep the results hidden?" I spoke quietly.  _This information was vital._

"But whoever is will certainly have some greivances to answer to."  _If Yuy was the father, then he has some questions to answer... Only time will reveal the true culprit._

**Eight weeks**

"Relena, what's on your mind?" I asked simply. We were riding back, she had been silent since Sally's visit. "Sally assured us your perfectly healthy despite your condition. Quatre will arrive next week." She didn't answer. Her eyes were set on the condensated window. She traced a few moist lines of art and continued to ignore my questions.  _What could she be thinking?_ "Relena." She finally responded to her name. She turned her head, her face was mixed in sorrow and joy.

"I'm going to be a mother." She stated simply and continued to make art on the moist window. She drew a puppy, or it resembled a puppy.

"You don't have to be. There is another solution." I said and touched her shoulder. She didn't flinch or pull away but remained silent.  _Noin would kill me if she heard me._  The rest of the ride was silent. The car jolted to a stop, our seat belts keeping us in our seats.  _What the hell is wrong with him?_  I didn't get a chance to follow Relena back to her office. I was seeking to reprimand the inconsiderate driver.

"Your job is simple: To transport Miss Peacecraft. Do you think you can handle that?" My voice increased in volume with each word. The man, in his late thirties nodded his head. His bald head shined, a small snowflake landed on it. I smiled, I couldn't help myself.

**Eight Weeks**

"Milliardo, please head home." She said and I shook my head in retaliation. She was reading extensively and marking up documents with a bright red pen.

"I am needed here." I replied. My attention returning to an article in the newspaper.

"You are bored. I will not leave until late this afternoon. Please, spend some time with your wife. I hate to be the cause of your separation." Her words were sincere. It was getting to be late. The sun had hidden itself from our view and the moon had decided not to shine tonight. Storm clouds approached from the north horizon.  _Noin is alone at the house._

"I will." She smiled.  _Finally._  "If you promise to leave here before it begins to rain." Her delirious smile faded into a confused look. She stood up and headed to the only window in the room. Glancing outside, the storm clouds were rolling in slowly. It would surely rain in the next hours.

"I can do that." She said and continued to gaze out the window, yet again. Setting down the carefully folded newspaper, I reached her at the window. I grabbed her shoulders and turned her slightly. She had a lost look in her eyes, it instantly faded into a smile. Slowly, I embraced her. She closed her eyes and settled in my embrace. "Tell Lucrezia she's welcome." Her smile returned with bright eyes.

**Eight Weeks**

The moment I arrived home, Noin was at my side. She embraced me in a hug, and kissed my cheek. I smiled. The evening was quiet, Pagan had arranged a small meal for us. All three of us ate quietly at the table.

After dinner, Relena had not yet arrived at home. The rain had begun slowly, with a few drops sporadically hitting the ground. After a few minutes it increased in intensity. The rain fell hard and plentiful. No patch of unprotected ground was left untouched. She still had not arrived.  _This cannot be good._

Entering the living room, a face appeared on the screen.  _She better have a good reason._  Only it wasn't Relena's face, nor her secretary's face. It was Quatre. The young blonde smiled at my arrival. I scowled in response.

"What is it?" He didn't seem to be fazed by my harshness.

"May I speak to Miss Relena?" The young handsome blond man on the screen asked gently.

"She isn't here." I responded. He looked confused.

"I just spoke to her secretary. She said she had gone home an hour ago." His face distorted in more confusion.

"An hour ago!" I yelled loud, Noin came into the room.

"What is it?" She said, her innocent question created a fury in me.

"Where could that foolish child have gone!" My violet eyed wife stepped back. Quatre was forgotten on the screen as I paced out the door. "I need to find Relena." My explanation was simple.

**Eight Weeks**

We found her. It was not difficult, the incompetent driver earlier had called into Preventers to make them aware of her location.  _I guess he isn't completely incompetent._ She had requested to be taken to a felonious district. The rain had ceased in the time of my search; the building were drenched in fallen rain. The smell of wet concrete was not appealing.

She was sitting in a bench, her hair and clothes completely wet. She had her face down, tears were accompanying the raindrops on her face. She held fast to a piece of paper. It was surprisingly dry compared to the rest of her. Yuy was standing behind the bench. He said nothing to her. He looked up as I approached and shook his head.  _How dare he._  I stopped despite my will to defy him. Her shoulders shook from her bursts of cries.

I looked at our surroundings. A small alleyway was lit up by a bright neon light at the back. It read: Dr. Santiago Termination Clinic. It was bright orange, as if it was signifying joy.  _Disgusting. There is a more humane solution to this situation._

Ignoring Heero's request, I sat on the bench. He spoke softly. "She was making a mistake. She was heading inside when I arrived." I nodded to his explanation.

"Relena, what were you thinking?"  _I needed to hear it from her._  She didn't stop sobbing. She held the paper closer to her. Seeking comfort from its sharp edges.

"I was going to fix this." Her eyes remained downward. "Like you had said." Her words were surprisingly honest. I could not speak.  _I had driven her to this._

Yuy spoke before I could muster any words. "If you gone through with your plan, you would have regretted it the rest of your life." Relena's cries increased with his words. "That child deserves to live. Life isn't cheap." He muttered in a low voice.

She held out the paper to me, I was afraid to take it. She seemed comforted by it. She let it go quickly. On the mostly dry paper I found a letter. The heading was written in bright red. I began to skim through ti.

**Letter from a baby**

_Hello Mommy, how are you? I am doing very well, thank God just a few days ago I was conceived in your tummy. The truth is, I cannot begin to explain how I am happy to know that you're going to be my mother, something else that also fills me with pride to see this the love with which I was conceived..._

_Everything seems to indicate that I will be the happiest child in the world! Mommy, one month has already passed after my conception, and you begin to see how my little body begins to form. I am not as big as you, but give me a chance._

_I am VERY happy! It's already been 3 months, mommy, and you seem very depressed, I do not understand what happens, I am very confused. Today in the morning we went to the doctor and you made an appointment for tomorrow. I do not understand, I feel very well... maybe you feel bad, mommy?_

_Mommy, today is the day, where are we going? Whats happening, Mommy why are you weeping? Do not cry, if nothing will happen ... Hey Mommy, don't lay down, its barely 2 pm, it is too early to go to bed, I have nothing to dream, I want to keep playing with my hands._

_Oh, Ah! Why is this tube in my house? Is this a new toy? Hey! Why are they sucking my house? Mommy! Wait! That's my little hand! Lord, why are they ripping it off? Don't see that hurts me? ah! Defend me Mommy! Mommy ... Help me! Can't you see that I'm still very small and I cannot defend myself? Mommy, my legs, they ripping them too! Please tell them to not continue and, I swear that you that I will be good. And I will no longer kick you again._

_How could a human being do this to me? When will I be big and strong... ah... you. Mommy, I can no longer, I ... mom... mom ... help me..._

_Mommy, 17 years have passed since that day, and I note from here that it still hurts you took that decision. Please do not cry because, remember that I love you very much and here I am waiting for you up her in heaven with lots of hugs and kisses ..._

**_I love you,  
Your baby_ **

I kept the letter in my grasp.  _This one piece of paper stopped her from entering that clinic._   _From making the biggest mistake of her life._  Heero grabbed the paper from my outreached hand. I didn't mind. He read it carefully, as if possible his face hardened more. Reaching behind him, he took out a pistol and aimed inside the brightly lit alleyway. He shot twice. The noise startled Relena and she looked up at the scene. The bright neon sign was now sparkling and no longer lit up the alleyway. Without the light, we could only hear it crash down below. _Good job, Yuy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Letter from a Baby was an email forward translated into English.


	5. Living by Your Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relena POV. Quatre arrives to take the lead as Relena's fiancee.

**Nine Weeks**

He stood there, a silent guardian angel, saving more than myself. I could feel his gaze focused on my bed, I fought with my desire and need to ignore him. Daylight poured into the room as he threw open my deep red curtains. I hid under the comfort of my blue pillows and sheets. It must be past mid morning. My body ached as I moved further under the blue comforter. Every muscle begged for my body to remain still. Happily, I complied.

"Relena." He said menacingly. His voice was rough, demanding and yet a small distinct drop of softness. Still, I didn't answer. I closed my eyes, creating the illusion that I was still under the sandman's spell. Unfortunately, my mind reveled in the memories of last night.  _I wish I could just forget it all together..._

I'm not sure what I could've been thinking. Sitting in that bench, while rain pummeled me with guilt, I realized it. I was looking for an easy fix to a delicate and complicated issue. I detest how Milliardo referred to it as a "situation."

_Heero arrived just as I was pondering to enter the termination clinic. He didn't try to stop me. He just stood there, like he always does. He stood there staring at me. I could feel his eyes judging my decision. I couldn't bear letting him down. Briefly, I had wondered, laughably, if this child could conceivably be his. There was no other factors to consider. Memories of that night long ago entered my mind. A woman screamed at me, as I took an unwanted wobbly step toward the clinic. She ran into me and began speaking frantically, inserting the words, "murder," "abortion," and "injustice.". I stood there silently as she handed me a pamphlet. Inside, there was a "Letter from a Baby."I read its slowly, letting tears fall willingly from my face. Milliardo soon found me soon afterward. Heero opted to keep this unborn child. In that moment, I had decided with him. I had to keep this unborn child. Although, admitting that fact was accepting it as well._

This child will be born. It will be loved. I **will**  find an adequate father for him or her…whoever that may be.  _If he is the father…but…why..._

"Relena…." His rough voice said almost musically. I heard his quiet steps on the carpet and braced myself for any movement on my bed. I felt a small object fall on my bed. It crinkled with noise, as I adjusted myself on the bed. I thought he would pull the covers from me. Instead, the door closed quietly and he left. Unsure if he left, I carefully let my eyes adjust to the unwelcome shining brightness inside my room. I peeked around the perimeter of my room. He was nowhere in sight. On my bed were a wrapped roll of crackers.  _Where did he go?_  There was no response. I merely rolled; my muscles ached in protest and closed my eyes.  _Sweet dreams._

**Nine Weeks**

I stared into those beautiful blue eyes of his. I couldn't help but smile. He was distorted in worry. His bright blond locks were ruffled.

"Quatre, I'm fine."  _Believe it._  I smiled, an effort to support my previous statement. He smiled lightly but he wouldn't fully believe me.  _No one would._  "When are you arriving?" My words were insincere. I wasn't completely sure how I should act around my "fiancée."

"I know this may seem awkward, Miss Relena." I spiked with a glare at the word "miss," he seemed to notice and yet continued speaking. "I am glad to help you in anyway I can." His voice wavered. "Relena." I smiled, genuinely.  _This might actually work._  As that thought entered my mind, he walked into the den. His presence was welcome and yet, I stiffened and kept my head rigidly ahead.

Now, he was back in my life. He made it seem so simple. He left and now he's returned. If only life could be that simple. I didn't want to complain. His presence was less stressful than Milliardo's constant gaze, if only by comparison.

Refusing to acknowledge his presence, I continued my conversation with Quatre. "You have yet to answer my question, Quatre." He smiled. It was strangely contagious.

"I will be there by the end of the week." He promised as another voice on his end called to him. "I will see you soon, Relena." He smiled. I returned his smile; my lips continued to remain arced upwards as the connection was ended. Silence penetrated the room. An unbearable silence, that was usually present in my office.  _Perhaps, if I turn quickly._ As I thought it, I followed through with my plan. Only, the turning made me dizzy and faint. A pair of strong arms caught my sudden disoriented body. His blue eyes seeking mine demanding an assurance of my health. I looked up at him; he set me down gently on the soft couch. My eyesight became fuzzy from the unbalanced spin; I closed my eyes to adjust back to normalcy. I felt his head closed distance between us. Chapped lips grazed my forehead and immediately he stepped away. Leaving me confused and desiring more.

**Nine Weeks**

"Miss Peacecraft?" A distant voice interrupted my thoughts. It stopped speaking and I returned to the perfectly crafted dream I had formulated.

_The sky was clear of malicious clouds. The sun's rays warmed my bare arms. The trees whistled with the wind. A sweet laugh echoed through the park. A small child wobbled in the grass. Smiling, the child made her way to me. She held out her hands, and then unexpectedly fell forward. A small cry erupted from her lips as tears began falling like waterfalls from her dark blue eyes. I grabbed her gingerly and coddled her to my shoulder. She wrapped her small arms around me as best as she could. I held her tight. She had stopped crying and yanked a piece of my hair. It hurt; I looked down at the child in my arms. She stared up at me, a smile in her eyes. Those deep blue eyes, I've seen those somewhere before._

"Minister." A loud voice interrupted my daydreams. I looked up to watch my secretary; she was in awe as a bit of drool lifted from the desk with me. I wiped it away instantly. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I looked to the edge of my office. His dark blue eyes still continued to stare at me.  _Why didn't he wake me?_

My anger would be best used afterwards. I got up, wiping my face again, self consciously. I followed my secretary out my door. I didn't feel immediately faint, possibly because of my anger towards a certain someone. As soon as we all three entered the elevator, I leaned my head against the cool stainless steel wall of the elevator. It jerked down.  _That didn't help._ The slight jolt bounced my head against the metal. The collision didn't hurt quite as much as the surprise.

My mouth gaped open and I mouthed my expression.

"Are you hurt?" His deep voice demanded. I held my head gingerly, exaggerating the pain. I shook my head.

"I'm fine." I said harshly and returned to ignoring his presence. Physically, at least.  _If that was only possible._ I became instantly aware of his change in stance. He was turned towards me, his hands clenched at his sides. His eyes were lost in thought, as if he were contemplating something important. I stared at him from my peripheral vision but I had to look away; the elevator doors opened and revealed a crowd of anxious waiting riders.

**Ten Weeks**

_Can I actually marry a man I don't love?_

"Relena, can you pay attention?" I cowered under his harsh words.  _I am not a child._  Although, my attention did return to his endless lecture about health. Sally had retrieved more literature about my condition. Heero studied extensively, as he had before and was now relating the most important information. Unfortunately, all the information seemed important to him. At least, pertaining to my physical health.

"Heero, when is this going to end?" I asked simply. I sighed heavily, he had been hassling me for nearly two hours. My legs were swollen and my back was tired from sitting on this uncomfortable red couch. The cushions were flattened by my increasing weight, as little as it was.

"When I see fit." He answered. I slouched, hanging my head over my knees.  _If I possibly close my eyes, perhaps I can nap._ "You're affecting you're posture in that position." My eyes lifted and I attempted to gather all my anger at him in them. Only they appeared in tears, swiftly, I looked away.  _…be strong._

His face bent down to my level on the couch. The silence and stillness of face prolonged longer than usual. "You will be safe." He promised. After those short words, he left the room. The books on the counter were now forgotten. The endless lists and notes were blowing away with the sudden chilly current of wind that entered the room.  _What in Earth Sphere's…stop torturing me, Heero.  
_

**Ten Weeks**

He had been acting rather strange lately. Actually, he had been acting a bit more normal that was expected from him. The cold glares and responses.  _On target._  The kind words?  _I swear I must have imagined them._

_Heero was not acting like he should…unless…he knew...the truth  
_

Quatre's arrival caused a great amount of excitement to Milliardo. He allowed us the pleasure to meet him at the shuttle port, despite the fact that he was perfectly capable of being chauffeured otherwise.

"You are quite animated, Milliardo. I could assume we were meeting your financee." I spoke softly, letting the small joke settle into his brain. I braced for a verbal retaliation. Seconds passed, he said nothing. The violet haired woman beside him let out a small chuckle. Milliardo followed in her response. I couldn't share in their joy and merely offered a polite smile.

Heero was the only one in the proper mood. His matched mine, symmetrically. He sat with his arms crossed across from me. His dark Preventer uniform was ruffled and not as pressed as I had seen him have it before. His distressed clothes were an amazement to my own, perfectly pressed clothes. His arms formed a flat "x" across his chest.  _Like he was warding off evil._  I laughed at my own imagination. His gaze adjusted so he could look straight at me. His deep eyes stared at me. His gaze softened a bit, but he just merely tightened his shoulders and looked away. Out the cold condensated window.

**Ten Weeks**

"Miss Peacecraft, Mr. Winner is here." She smiled mischievously. Her brown hair bounced off her shoulder as she turned.

"Would you please inform him I have something to take care of first?" I said, without even glancing up. She nodded, her curls bouncing again. His eyes remained on me as I stood up. I pranced towards my door and closed it as fast I as I could possibly manage; however, my efforts were futile. He caught the door with his dull black shoe.

"Where do you think you're going?" He demanded. His hand already pulling open the wooden door. I could hold on, but I would be no real resistance to his strength.

"The ladies room. Please, don't follow." I said simply, angry for replying. I stomped away, my secretary talking amorously to a visitor. I didn't care to know at the moment. I rushed towards the exit and at the end of the hall, I found my destination.

Heero informed me that because of all the extra fluids in my body, I'd have to increase my visits to the ladies room. He didn't put it quite that delicately. Merely stating medically, that I'd have to excrete more waste than usual.

I returned to my office. My business had been taken care of and I had lost count of how many times I'd been there today. My hands were free of bacteria, dried and yet slightly damp. I stopped at the doorway. Loud voices were discussing something important in another room nearby. I felt the urge to run back into my office and ignore the politics growing in volume.

"Heero, I know-" Quatre's soft voice penetrated through the wall. That enticed my curiosity and I slowly walked to the source of the yelling. An empty office with the door ajar held the loud occupants. I glanced inside to view my future husband and… _him…_ arguing heatedly. I kept still, lest their extraordinary senses perceive me there.

"It's not possible. Besides, I also know that we weren't the only ones that weren't in our appropriate bedrooms." Heero did not yell his words but the high intensity of his voice still rang through my ears. "Quatre, I'm sure you-"

"Heero!" His voice screamed at a high frequency. I snuck a glance inside. I confirmed his reddening face. He recovered his normal tone of voice. "How can you allow this to happen?"

"How can you go along with it?" He questioned with more vigor. His voice level rising with Quatre's.

"I have my own reasons." He said softly.

"I'm sure." Was the only response from Heero.

"Heero, she doesn't know it's yours!" He practically yelled.  _His?_

"That's the truth. Dr. J was very clear when he said that…"

"How do you that is the truth? You know full well he's lied before." Heero didn't respond to the statement. "Believe it, Relena could only be carrying your child." I looked down at my forming bulge, caressing the unborn child of the man I love.  _Is it really possible?_

"She's going to marry you. That is the best alternative." Heero said with a firmness, to end the conversation.  _The best alternative for us all._

**Ten Weeks**

They had stopped talking as soon as my obvious footsteps approached the door. That was merely yesterday's ordeal. Today, was completely different. His hands held me close. One arm was wrapped around my waist. The other rested on my arm, caressing. I smiled. I could only smile. I looked at the crowd. They were in awe of us.

"Mr. Winner, do you love Miss Peacecraft?" A distant voice yelled through the quite crowd.

"Yes, how could I not love the mother of my child?" He said charmingly. His blue eyes sparkled down at me. I looked up and smiled. I lifted my head and seal his declaration with a kiss.  _After all, this is what's best for myself, Quatre and all those involved._


	6. Much More Complicated (The Degree of Selfishness)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quatre POV. Quatre and Heero have a chat about Relena

**Quatre POV**

"I don't think the world needs to know that their pacifist leader is a drunken fool that got knocked up in a tryst that lasted only one night." My eyes tried to look at her clear blue eyes but she hung her head and tears began to spill out. My hand reached out to lift her chin. I chose my next words carefully.

"You're not a fool. Besides, there's more than one truth." My mind began to drift to that night, not too long ago. Her voice faltered as she began to speak, but her practiced voice spoke clearly.

"Why do you really want to marry me?" I could not answer her question with words, so my next option became my desperate choice. I leaned towards her and I could see the uncertainty in her eyes. I stopped short of pressing my lips to hers.

I pulled away, unable to continue without her approval. "Relena, I think you already know the answer to your question."

**Eleven Weeks**

My guilty conscience led me to try and reconcile them. I found Heero around the Peacecraft residence. He was not in his usual status as Relena's shadow. He was sitting on a bench in the gardens. He would know I was approaching but he made no move to acknowledge my presence.

"It's not selfish to want to be with her." I said to him. I am being selfish for wanting to be with her.

"She doesn't want me," was Heero's response. He hadn't moved. His eyes continued to be transfixed on a single spot.

"Heero for someone of your caliber, you sure are an idiot." That merited a glance sideways at me. I wasn't sure if he was reacting to my insult or if he was calculating how to kill me. He would have an excellent reason to do so. I stood, unafraid of him.

"She made her choice and so have you." His words were cold.

"I'm sterile, Heero." My words caused his head to turn to face me. His eyes testing the truth in my eyes."I know you believe that Dr. J spoke the truth when he said the same thing to you. One of the side effects of being engineered and not born is that my ability to reproduce was lost, so I am the last male heir of the Winner line." Heero continued to say nothing. "I know what you think you saw happen that night, but nothing happened between Relena and I. Even if it had, that child could never be mine."

"I saw you." His voice strained to stay in control. I shook my head. "Quatre, I saw you leaving her room, unclothed. That was the night of conception. There's an equal chance that you are the father of her child."

I dared to rest my hand on his shoulder, "A quick test can provide proof of your virility. I already have mine." I dropped the test results in his lap and walked away. I did not want to see his reaction. If it was relief or anger, I couldn't know.

**Eleven Weeks**

I walked into the study and found more people than I expected. Milliardo, Lucrezia and

Relena were intently watching the video screen. The news reporter's voice spoke calmly, her words echoed in the the quiet room.

"With the announcement of the engagement of Representative from the Colonies and Vice Presidential Candidate Relena Peacecraft, the public polls continue to fluctuate. Polls in the Space Colonies continue to support Candidate Peacecraft despite her untraditionalism. The polls on Earth are more unpredictable as those who remember that Candidate Peacecraft has been supportive of peace between the Earth and Colonies before she graduated her secondary education. The older generations seems to disapprove of her sudden pregnancy and her decision to marry Mr. Winner. Only time will tell how the election in the coming months will turn out for the Vice Presidency."

The reporter's voice changed as they moved on to the weather in the area. Unlike the scheduled and controllable weather in the colonies, weather is unpredictable.

"Unpredictable polling cannot be good." Lucrezia spoke, breaking the tense silence. Milliardo's plan to prevent Relena's pregnancy from affecting her public image was not working as expected.

"Damned if I do, damned if I don't." Relena responded. Her posture exposed her exhaustion.

"Relena, don't speak like that." Milliardo said, his voice just as tired.

"Brother, I am in my own home. If I am unable to speak a few choice words here, then this is not as safe as a space as I thought it was." Relena stood from the couch. She nodded at me, but passed right beside me. "I'm going to bed."

**Eleven Weeks**

I am a coward. I am a terrible person. I should not be eavesdropping on this private conversation. But I couldn't help myself.

For a long moment of time, no one said anything. I drew my breaths as silently as I could. Heero was still at the same bench. I wasn't sure if he had left it all day. His posture was stiff and I wasn't sure if he was awake. Relena didn't seem too sure either as she cautiously stepped closer to Heero's position. She was wearing her thick pajamas, a slight belly appearing, but barely discernable to anyone unknown to her pregnancy.

"Heero," he moved to stare at her with awe, "I want to talk to you." He made no other move. She sat on the opposite end of the bench. Her hands in her lap, no gloves to protect them. "I need to know if you are the father of this child."

Heero did not respond immediately. He wore nothing more than his usual Preventer uniform. "Quatre is not the father." He said factually. Relena accepted the news calmly. "He can be if you would prefer that option." Heero said after another moment of silence. He had his head down, unable to look at her.

"I know what I want and what I need. Quatre is a wonderful man-" Relena spoke softly.

"He has strong feelings for you," Heero interrupted. I froze in anticipation to her response to that.

She smiled sorrowfully, "I know. The feelings are only platonic on my side." She reached across the looming space between them and grabbed hold of his hand. He let her hold his hand. She stood and let go, looking back at him as she walked away.

And now I am in the middle. I am lost in my own thoughts, replaying the scene in my head. It couldn't have gone any different. The course of fate was already laid. I did not sense Heero's movements away from the bench. My eyes focused as he stood in front of me. The look on his face was of pure loathing.

I said nothing, standing tall in front of him. I waited calmly as Heero's fist collided with my face. The pain was strong, his blow made its mark on my face. He walked away and left me in my torture of my own making.


	7. Late Night Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 3 months before, the night it happened. Heero POV

Heero POV

**Three Months Before**

It is a rare occasion that I indulge Relena's desire to reunite her friends. She had invited all the former Gundam pilots and various friends to a private hotel near the shore in Italy. She had sent out hand written invitations.

I did not RSVP'd using the included note. I had instead written my own response, made a stopover in her current visiting city and left the note in her hotel room. I had written, "See you there" without a signature. I watched silently as she stepped into her room, immediately kicking of her shoes in relief. I smiled, in contention of watching her unmasked actions. She did not immediately notice my note.

It wasn't my scheduled week to be guarding her. It never mattered if it was or not. I always wanted to keep an eye on her. Even when other Preventer missions required my attention, I kept my own devices that tracks her movements using Preventer's existing resources.

She sat on her bed and checked for messages on her vidphone. She finally looked down at my note. She picked it up and read it quickly. She looked around and settled on the glass door leading to the small balcony I was currently skulking on. She smiled and nodded her head before turning her attention back to the vidphone. I left content that I had completed my mission.

**Three Months Before**

The day had arrived and I was well prepared for it. My bag had been packed for weeks. If it wasn't due to the fact that I was on duty that week, I would have been at the vacation villas days before. I had already spent a few days a week ago inspecting the villas and setting up my own surveillance.

Relena was not an efficient packer. She spent twenty minutes choosing which pajamas were appropriate. I did not enjoy the boredom and left the room after she chose to pack something warm. It was 3 in the morning and she was not well prepared for her vacation because of her obsession with her work.

Two hours later, Relena had one bag packed and was shouldering a backpack. She smiled sheepishly, knowing his patience had worn thin with her indecision.

"I'm ready." She declared. I nodded in acknowledgement, checking the time. It was 5am and the flight had been scheduled to leave at 6:00 am sharp. He grabbed his own bag from the back seat and set in the passenger's seat, letting Relena take the backseat for herself. She said nothing as I drove. But I could feel the excited energy she felt. I was glad she remained awake until we arrived to the airport. She needed to rest, but I did not want to have to carry her onto the aircraft.

**Three Months Before**

Uneventful is how I would describe the trip. Which was just how I enjoyed traveling when Relena is involved. No matter the day, no matter the hour, I remain vigilant for her safety. Relena slept the entire flight and drive to the villas.

Upon our immediate arrival, as I grabbed my own and Relena's luggage, Duo jumped out from behind the villa and ran toward our position. He was extremely loud in his stealthy approach and as I leaned down to pick up my duffle bag I whispered in Relena's ear.

"Duo is behind us, wait 6 seconds and turned around if you wish to surprise him." I straightened up and we began our calm conspicuous walk to the villa entrance. She waited the allotted six seconds as I heard Duo's footsteps attempt to stalk up to us. She spun around, dropping her backpack and yelled "surprise!" before Duo could utter his own exclamation. I turned just in time to see his body freeze in shock and his face failing with realization that his plan failed.

His demeanor relaxed immediately as he greeted a giggling Relena. I tried to keep my smile to myself as I watched Relena relax as she deserved with friends. "It's good to see you again, Duo."

"You too, Princess. Did Heero spoil the surprise by warning you?" She nodded in response. "Hilde's laying down inside from the flight. Let's go say hi." She bound off with him without a second glance to me.

**Three Months Before**

More people arrived throughout the day. No one seemed overly suspicious. Each person carried their own level of trust. Relena was filled with new energy. She exchanged greetings, shared stories from her political life and listened intently as her friends shared their own adventures. It had been months since she had been so content. It gave me satisfaction to see her so happy.

It wasn't long before the refreshments started including wine and mixed alcoholic drinks. I never partook in those type of activities. Today was no exception. Relena started with only one drink, that turned into several more. She started to reach her drink limit and I attempted to intervene; however, I was overruled by future alcoholics in the room who continued to drink into the night.

Relena's level of bravery increased with attempted display of affections toward me. The first night was easier to push her away. She stole a kiss. I lead her to her bedroom and made sure she got into bed, tried to turn her so she would not choke. She leaned up, pulled my head down by my hair and pressed her lips against mine. Her lips were soft and her tongue tasted like cranberries. I couldn't breathe and yet my mind decided it had no need of oxygen because all other thoughts but of her left my brain. I pushed her away and she whispered, "Good night, Heero." She closed her eyes and I assumed she fell asleep instantly.

The affect she had on me lasted much longer. The next morning neither of us mentioned anything but I kept my distance from her. Someone else took my place at her side all day long. Quatre became a closer friend than I thought she needed.

He became affectionate with her soon. She didn't reciprocate; however, she did not rebuff his advances either. I would admit that I was jealous if that's how I had recognized the feelings at the time. All I understood was my feeling of anger towards Quatre and Relena whenever they hugged. I felt happy when Relena smiled at me. I didn't know how to react when Quatre looked at me. I restrained myself from punching his still boyish face.

**Three Months Before**

She appeared in my room in the middle of the night. She stumbled inside and locked the door. I sat up immediately when I heard her footsteps outside my door.

"Relena, what are you doing?" She giggled in response. She put her finger up to her lips. I stared at her unmoving as she walked closer, taking slow strides and blinking her eyes to attempt to be sultry. She mesmerized me and I couldn't speak. She began to remove her robe, revealing a camisole underneath. The robe fell to the floor, revealing she wore no shorts. She wore silky underpants that matched her camisole. She crawled onto the bed, while I carefully put my gun in the nightstand drawer.

"You look amazing without your shirt on, did you know that?" Her warm hands touched my chest and I became lost. I could no longer think. I could no longer stop her from what she wanted. I no longer wanted to stop her. Whatever she wanted, she could have it.

**Three Months Before**

I carried her back to her room wrapped in my bedsheet. I put her to bed. I walked out of her room, unable to comprehend what exactly had changed in me. I saw I was not alone in the hallway. Quatre was stalking around, probably with the same late night plan as Relena. I left. She was much better off in his hands.


	8. Take a Look in the Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relena POV, something bad happens.

**Relena POV**

I couldn't breath. The small black and white screen was black. I was waiting for the technician to come into the room. I was prepped and ready. I didn't want Sally to conduct this ultrasound, it was too personal.

It felt strange to lay on my back, my legs open. I only encountered this awkward position once a year. It seems like a counterproductive to keep the room as cold as it was. The technician entered and seemed a bit awed by who was in the room. I smiled.

"Nice to meet you..."

"Alisia." She responded.

"Alisia, if you can do me a favor. I would like to keep this as professional as possible. Please."

She nodded. Taking the message, she put on latex gloves and began to prepare the ultrasound machine. I looked away. I tried to imagine more pleasant locations. The rainfall in the forest. The beach. Heero.

Alisia looked at the monitor and her face changed immediately. She frowned and looked nervous.

I twisted my head to look at the monitor. The monitor showed an image of black and white. But otherwise, it was empty.

"I need to get the doctor. There isn't a heartbeat."

I was sent home by my secretary after the appointment. I arrived home in a daze. The empty screen haunted my daydreams. Is this really what I wanted? Could I have become a mother? If I believed Heero then he was the father. That fact made me extremely happy. What I had imagined for so many nights alone was finally coming true. But I was no longer having Heero's child. I was getting married to a man I didn't love.

I sat down in the sitting room. It was wrong, it was all wrong. The baby that was no longer existent was ruining everything in my life. I didn't want this. I don't want this. I had wished its death and my horrible wish had come true.

I laid in my bed. Letting the bad thoughts float through my head. It was Heero's fault. It was my own fault. I had known about contraception. I was not a fool. If I made a mistake, I could only live with the repercussions.

The next day was better. The shock of not hearing that heartbeat had worn off. But there was a greater challenge coming.

* * *

Relena slept in her bed, exhausted but resting. Everything was the same as every other night. Heero was on watch, but he didn't dare enter her bedroom, so he stayed outside on his post. Not letting her know he was just few feet away. The morning guard was arriving to escort the vice foreign minister back to the parliament building. Relena would be waking up soon, as per her normal schedule.

Both men heard sobs coming from Relena's room. With their weapons ready, Heero and the second Preventer agent slowly opened the door, anticipating any attack inside. What they found was unexpected. There were no armed men attacking the vice foreign minister. Relena was still in bed, in her warm cotton pajamas. She was sobbing loudly. The bedsheets were bloody.

She was quiet on the ride to Sally's office. She had changed into something clean. Her eyes were out of focus. Heero didn't know what comfort he could offer that would make her feel better. He took her hand and held it. She responded by gripping it tightly without looking at him. He offered no words.

The uterus had began expelling the products of the pregnancy as expected. Relena took a medical leave and let the media organizations speculate on the "end" of her pregnancy. She had no energy to combat them personally. Heero stayed by her side every day. He said very little. She said nothing at all.

The second day, she apologized to everyone. She apologized to Quatre and returned his ring. She apologized to Milliardo, for disappointing him. Late at night, she called Heero into her room and apologized to him as well.

"I'm failing to understand what you are apologizing for."

She held his hand, "I am sorry that I wished for an end and that it actually happened."

"Relena, you had very little influence on the outcome of your pregnancy. 20% of pregnancies do not carry to term."

"Is that true?"

"Of course it is. I would not lie to you."

Her lips curled up in a small smile. "It was your child then." No longer a question but rather a confirmation. He nodded. "You are a coward, Heero Yuy." He nodded his head in shame. "I was afraid too." She said, no longer talking directly at him. "I realized that my mistake was my own. I could not let an innocent child suffer because of my inadequacies. Right when I decided to give my life to it, it disappeared." She paused, looking him in the eye. "Heero, I don't want to see you disappear. I have made my choice. You have to make yours."

"I don't have an answer for you."

"You have until the end of the year to make your choice."

The Unification Conference had began without interruption. Armed Preventer's patrolled the hallways. Delegations from the far reaches of the Earth's Sphere and the Space Colonies were in attendance. With the ending term of the Vice President, Relena and her opposition were in the spotlight more frequently than normal. The marble floors shone with exaggeration. The staff was vetted for a third time in a month. Profiles were created on the most probable threat to the delegation. Each threat was identified, quantified, assessed and if above risk level, dealt with.

The Earth and the Space Colonies continued on with their quest for everlasting peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story began when I was in a really bad place in my life. Now, unfortunately, I'm back in a really bad place. If this didn't end the way you had imagined, I apologize, it wasn't how I had imagined it in the beginning but now it seems fitting to end this way. Heero is right, although 20% is the high end. Its about 10 - 20% of pregnancies that end in miscarriage and most times its not due to the mother's diet, lifestyle or external forces.
> 
> Relena was expecting the pregnancy to change her life and it did but the changes were made by other people. With the miscarriage, she is "free" but not free from her choices she made. She still has to deal with all the consequences and her lifelong mission for peace.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happier ending!!

Heero Yuy had made his choice. He thought the feelings of uncertainty and dread would disappear with his unexpected verbal choice. Relena's deadline has been weighing his heart for months. He couldn't sleep without thoughts of her.

His head was drowning in strategies of conquest, paths of destruction and visions of victory. A final image sent him over the edge. "I choose you." The words were quiet.

Relena raised her head from the paperwork that had consumed her eyes and mind for the past hour. "Did you say something Heero?"

He didn't respond, still shocked at his own revelation. "Heero?"

"I choose you." He repeated with more certainty than he felt seconds ago.

* * *

Heero brought more than the customary flowers. He also gifted Relena with chocolates. She was arranging the flowers in a vase to set back in the sitting room. She hummed a tune.

"Can you please grab the tray?" Heero nodded as Relena walked out of the room with the flowers. Roses of all colors came in the bouquet, a rainbow of meaning.

Setting the vase down on a side table, she sat down. Heero set the tray of coffee and cups down in front of her, sitting beside her. Silence dominated the room as they awaited the call for dinner.

"I have a gift for you as well." She said, handing Heero a small box. Heero opened the box and pulled out its contents. In his hand, he held a pack of condoms.

"Relena, this is a bold gift." He muttered.

"Heero, I already know what I want." Her voice was calm. She smiled, her eyes softening. She reached for his hand. In answer to her gift, Heero closed distance between them, pulling her hand to his heart and kissed her. His rough lips meeting her soft lips. He pushed Relena down on the couch, holding her in place with his body. He felt every part of her body, even though his formal suit.

"I want you." He breathed between kisses. "I always have..." His kisses silenced Relena's replies. "I am determined to think I always will." He kissed her more deeply, causing all thoughts of propriety to escape his mind. His only thought was to impress forever what he failed to convey with words. His choice will always be her. He wanted to erase all doubts, all his past stupidity, his failures from her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This needed a happier ending than I gave it originally.

**Author's Note:**

> Reposted from ff.net


End file.
